wishful thinking. Dead tired.

if i will look at my life and realize what i have accomplished at this point of my life compared to other individuals, i can fairly say that "i am fine" actually way more than FINE.

But at one point, still I AM NOT CONTENTED and i guess it is really human nature.

I still want so many things in my life. I want to travel further, try the life on the other side of the planet. Experience SNOW. Experience WHITE christmas. Drive my own LAMBORGHINI. Drink wines at the back of my own ROLLS-ROYCE. I practically want so many things.

Funny that I always ask myself, each and every time that I'm wasted from work "KELAN BA AKO YAYAMAN?" This phrase has been a cliche of my life, funny, but in truth, just uttering that phrase assures a part of me that I still have the drive, I still look up to my goals and i hope someday I can say "ANG YAMAN KO NA, magkano ka?" (kidding ofcorz)...

Well, you can't have the best of both worlds.

For now, i will just go on with my life and have fun, who knows what future holds?!?!

first RANT.

i am not a writer, i don't know how to compose a worth reading article or at least a one that make sense.

anyway, nuffsed.

first blog is about how i hate my WORK, literally.

This past few months i'd been getting a lot of scolding from my boss, even for things that i didn't do which made me a little defensive (not really little..) that one moment i just burst out and let my thoughts come out from my unstoppable mouth, worlds like "you make me feel stupid, i don't trust my work anymore because of you and blah blah blah" comes back and forth from the room where me and my boss is the only audience *so far*. After breaking out, i was shocked, anxious.. for a while i thought i will lose my job, but no i didn't. She was speechless, i am too.. days goes by and we got ok.

I cant blame her NAGGY attitude, considering she is still single at the age of 40+ (seriously, what do you expect?). The responsibility on her head is twice/thrice as much as i have for the system we were baby-sitting for years. But she is the boss, i am no one but a peasant in the company. I used to be a dedicated worker, but my dedication stowaway, nowhere to be found.

Today, i did my usual routine, woke up by 640am, took a bath and catch the 745am bus in time for my 9am work, but FAILED, the usual 1.15 travel time turned out to be almost 1.30 to 1.45hrs, i am late. To top it all, i passed by my Boss' boss in the lobby, how fortunate i can be (random rolling eyes).

The day seemed normal, but my feelings aren't.. i am not happy with what i am doing. I want to let loose, the feelings i have about my work is strangling me.. i can no longer breath, i am SAD.

but dear readers, i cant just quit. The responsibility i have now is way too much for my ego to supersede, i am defenseless, helpless and without CHOICE.

So yes, tmr, i will have to endure again the same routine and i hope i can surpass this phase of my life. I hope to get a new job soon (i'd been eagerly looking, but its not easy. dont judge me).

gdnyt.